Her Only Crime Was Loving Him
by rachgreengeller
Summary: Grace Adler has committed suicide and those who knew her best search for the answers that lie behind her tragic death.
1. Living With Grace

Her Only Crime Was Loving Him…a Will and Grace fan fic challenge..these characters are the property of KoMut Enterprises be nice this is my second W/G story...

They had just come from the funeral. The usually jovial quartet had nothing to be happy about. Will sighed as he slowly walked to the couch. His eyes were filled with tears. He laid down the rose that he took from her spray on the table. Her parents said something about sitting shiva, but he wasn't Jewish and didn't understand. He didn't want to wallow in grief, he wanted to look up and see her smiling face. He didn't know who to blame Leo or himself? Leo for not loving her enough or himself for loving her too much.

The program read Grace Adler..a tribute. Will had written a special song that he had planned to share , now knowing she would never hear it. He called it Living With Grace. It talked of the love he shared with this special woman. Why had he hurt her so much? Why couldn't he love her the way she wanted him to love her. His thoughts drifted back to a baby they talked about. Will started to break down more as he remembered the baby they tried to have as friends. At least then he would have a reminder of the life now lost and he could tell the baby about how incredible their mommy really was.

"Hey Will," said Jack as he cautiously opened the door. Jack who was usually full of energy, today was very solemn. He knew his buddy was hurting. He came over and put his arms around Will giving him the comfort he needed.

Jack remembered the phone call. Will had come in and found Grace on the floor with one of Karen's pill bottles in her hand. Laura Brannigan's Forever Young played on the stereo. It was a very surreal scene as her red hair was sprawled all over the floor.

He ran to her side as he tried to revive her, "Gracie, gracie my god, my god!" He grabbed his cell phone and called 911. The paramedics got there and it was too late. They dragged Grace's lifeless body out on a stretcher with a body bag over her.

Bobby Adler was on her way with in minutes. Her other daughter had felt so racked with guilt that she decided not to make the trip with her mother. Vince dropped everything when he heard of Grace's death . He knew where his place was , by his lover's side.

Trying to ease the pain herself, Karen walked in the door followed by Rosario. There were no glib comments or feisty conflicts. Both had a very somber look on their faces. Karen raised her arm to take a swig of vodka when Will grabbed it from her hands and smashed it into a million pieces.

"You bitch, how could you do this to her. You say you are her friend and yet you drink as if it is another day in your gin soaked lifestyle.

I know you gave her those pills, you killed her you botox faced monster." Will ranted.

"Hold it you faggot, can't you see I am hurting too.I gave her those pills to help her sleep. She said that something had been bothering her and didn't go into it. I am drinking to kill the pain." Karen yelled.

"I am not a hearless monster, I loved her too." she broke down into Rosariios' arms.

"There , there, miss Karen." Rosario comforted her as she did when she lost her beloved Stan.

Leo entered the room next. "I came over when I heard." he walked over to Will and tried to embrace him.

"You cheating bastard, you were probably the one who killed her. She wanted to be a good wife to you, she loved you so , and you thank her by fucking some bimbo doctor in Cambodia." Will said in tears. "You don't belong here.. Get out!" Leo left with his head down and Karen said. "We are all hurting. Give him time because you two will bond the most because you loved her the most." She kissed Leo on the cheek.

The funeral was beautiful . Despite her grief, she managed to praise her favorite daughter with a mother daughter broadway tribute. She wore a stunning black gown that Jack wanted to steal.

Will sang his special song he wrote

He started to sing the one part he put so much love into

_Living_ with Grace is never easy

But that's not what life's about

And no matter where tomorrow sees me

I'd rather live with grace then live without.

His eyes overflowed as he thought of her smile. He thought of the thousands of moments they spent together. He finished his song and Bobby ran into his arms. Together they cried for the life they lost. Karen, jack, and Leo hugged as well.

Tomorrow they would look for the pieces to make sense of this terrible tragedy ..today they would just remember Grace.

The song Living With Grace is from the awesome Will and Grace soundtrack. It is co written by Barry Manilow and Eric McCormack..

This story is dedicated to a friend I loved like Grace loved Will…except I wanted more like Grace wanted from Will..so here it is …to Will.


	2. Searching For Answers

Wearing his favorite NYU t shirt, Will started the daunting task of going through Grace's things. He opened the door of her closet and started throwing things in a box.

"What were you thinking Gracie?' he laughed as he pulled clothes off hangers and held them up. Grace may have been an interior decorator, but she had no fashion sense whatsoever.

Next he found an old picture album. Maybe this would have some clues to what happened. Bobbi had asked for some stuff, Leo wanted at least a small token of her for his own memories, Jack and Karen even asked for a souveneir.So many hearts were touched by her, why did she do this?

He told everyone he needed to do this alone. He needed to be in this place , because he was the closest thing Grace had to a real husband.He turned on his cd player and looked through the album.

No one could ever hurt me, no one could ever see me

Seems youre the only one who knows what its like to be me

Someone to face the day with

Make it through all the rest with

Someone I'll always laugh even when I am at my worst the best is you

Will had to laugh at the tv theme song, but then he thought. They had vowed to be there for each other. No other song could have described their relationship.

There was a picture of her and Will in college. She had put glitter around it and heart stickers. The name Will was traced in three different colors and next to it she wrote Mrs. William Truman. Will knew that he hurt her greatly when he told her he was gay. She wanted to love him and longed for him to love her back.

More than anything about a week after this revelation, Will wanted to see if maybe he was making a mistake. Tore up about the fight that Grace had, he went to a party and got drunk. He found a girl named Debbie and started to see if he was at least bisexual.

He started to kiss her and then grab at her. They came back to his drunk and pawing each other. He threw off his clothes and put on some Madonna. They were rolling in the sheets. Debbie knew she was in for a trip as he moaned with pleasure with every sexual move. He awoke the next day filled with regret. He felt nothing. He was right, he was gay.

On the other hand, Debbie told her friends that she met some guy at a party and he rocked her world. Best sex in a long time.

Will looked at the pictures and smiled. Then he found a card that he gave her with Garfield the cat on it. There were a lot of cards stuck in that box and they all had been given to her by Will. A knock at the door brought him back to the present. Somehow Will played a major part in what Grace had become.

"Hey Buddy, thought you needed a break. Let's go down and get lunch at Boy Bar. It's wet t shirt night." smiled Jack. He was trying to make an effort at least.

"Jack I have got to figure out, why she did this. I know the truth lies in the closet." said Will.

"That's what I always say." said Jack. He picked up a red blouse and threw it back down."What were you thinking?" he shuttered.

"Jack either go or no editorial comments." Will said crossly.

Will said soberly, "Jack do you think Grace ever got over the fact I was gay?"

"Why do you ask that?" Jack wondered.

"Well as I go through her stuff, I am finding more and more stuff that has my name or Grace Loves Will, or even cards I gave her. Nothing of Leo's or Danny's…just me." Will said quietly.

Will looked through and found pictures of trips they took together. Old matchbooks and airline ticket stubs. All of them had one thing in common, they were with him.

At that point, a delivery man came to the door. He brought Will a dozen roses and left before Jack could hit on him.

Will read the card, I know you need to be alone right now. But know that I am right there when you need me again. I will be the one to dry your tears. With all my love Vince.

Will smiled as he put the vase on the table. Maybe something good would come of this mess.

Then he saw on the table an envelope ..it was simply marked Will….

It had to be from Grace. Maybe he would get the answers now.

in case you couldn't tell..the song was the Rembrandts I'll be There For You...thought it was appropriate..please review and make me happy.


	3. A Letter to Will

Will picked up the envelope and stared at it. He couldn't bring himself to open it. Tears came from his eyes as realized this was probably the last thoughts that Grace ever had about him. His hands shock and he eyed the door. They had the best of intentions , but right now he just wanted to be the grieving widower. That is exactly what he felt like.After all, this wasn't a lover, but his Gracie.

He took a sip of wine from his glass to settle his nerves. In the background he had Mozart on to set a mood. He took his finger and slid it into the flap. Cautiously he opened the letter.

My dearest funny friend William, (God he hated when she called him that )

There have been a few thoughts on my mind lately. Thoughts that have been driving me crazy. By the time you read this, my suffering will be over. I will have shed this mortal coil. (God did that sound trite and cliché, he thought)

I have one unfinished piece of business and that is why I am writing this letter. As a divorcee now, I realized why my marriage to Leo didn't work. You probably all think it was because Leo was cheating and lying sleazebag. That wasn't it at all. Leo knew I was in love with someone else and this is how he chose to deal with it.

I am in love and it only pains me to know that love will never be returned. I gave my heart to another one a long time ago. I never loved Danny or truly loved Leo, there has been only one man I ever loved and that my dear friend is you….

Will dropped the letter and then picked it up

Sometimes I would see you standing naked and then just say it's my gay friend Will. Other times I would see your fine features and just want you to take me in your strong arms and make love to me all night long. I would want you to serenade me and then look into my eyes and love me just love me. It tears my heart to know this is only a dream in my imagination never to be.

I now realize I can never find a love to make me happy. That was my problem. I searched high and low for the perfect love and it was right in front of me, but never meant to be. Without love, there is no life. So I must go on to the next life or heaven or purgatory whatever you chose to believe. Some believe I will be in hell, but for me hell is on earth for there is no love for me.

Will it is not too late for you. I also realize that our special relationship has held you back. Some men have been frightened by out close bonds. So to you I say, if you have found the right man. Don't let him go and don't make the same mistakes that I did. Live for love William and most importantly be happy.

With my eternal love, Grace Adler.

Will walked over to the mantel and picked up the picture. He bent his head down and started to sob as the Mozart played . He felt like it wasn't Leo who killed Grace, but him.

"Why did you make me this way, God?" he wailed. "I wanted to love her and be the father of her chidren."

"Why did you make me gay?" he sobbed quietly.

Jack quietly entered the room and began to embrace Will. He leaned over and slowly rubbed his friend's back. Will began to look at Jack as he had never seen him before. He saw him as a tender human being who was reaching out to him. Will's tears rolled down his face and Jack took his hand and tenderly wiped them. Will lifted his head and move his lips toward Jack. Yes he was confused, but he needed someone to comfort him. He needed Vince but he was at work right now. He needed love, he didn't want to end up like Grace. He needed a man and he needed one now. Jack tried to push him away but his own needs caused him to touch his lips with Will's. Soon the two men were embracing each other and kissing .


	4. Just Answers

Jack opened his eyes and looked to see the man who he was kissing. He saw that it was Will. He was hurting and Jack pulled away from him.

"What the hell are you doing, isn't that what you have always wanted us to be together?' questioned Will.

"This is wrong, not this way." Jack said quietly.

Now you don't even want me." Will said bitterly.

"I love you Will, but not like this," Jack said as he took Will's hand "I know you loved her , but you can't change what happened and you couldn't be something you aren't."

"I wanted to love her, I really did." Will said as he melted on the floor in tears.

"Will you're a gay man. She knew that and accepted it." Jack said.

He picked up the letter and held it in his hand, "Does this look like she accepted it? I wanted you to hold me in your arms and make love to me. That doesn't sound like acceptance to me. No Jack I killed her."

"What are you doing?" Jack asked as Will went and grabbed a suitcase.

"I need to get out of here. I can't stay here right now." he said as he took some shirts off hangers and threw them in a suitcase.

"Where are you going?" Jack wondered out loud.

"I don't know..I don't know." Will wondered himself. He walked out the door and headed toward the street.

Jack started to walk through Grace's bedroom. This letter couldn't be the only clue to her death. There had to be more. Will was in no shape right now to deal with this. He would have to be the one who found the truth. Jack usually saw himself as the comic relief, but there was nothing funny about this at all.

He really didn't know her that well at all. He just knew that she was his best friend Will 's closest thing to a wife. The term "hag" so did not apply to her. Hags were usually unattractive, fat woman who clung on to gay men. Grace was far from that. She had her own special sex appeal. But just like Will, she had sacrificed every major relationship in her life for the sake of this gay/straight friendship. Had she made the ultimate sacrifice?

Jack started to go through drawers . Anything to find a clue. He pulled out her underwear, her panty hose, then he found it.

Grace Adler…..her diary…he had to find Kare…this might give the answers he needed.


	5. The Truth Might Lie in the Pages

Jack sat in Karen's mansion with the diary in his hand. He came here as solace. It gave him great peace of mind to be surrounded by Karen's wealth. It reminded of everything he ever wanted in life, a spacious home, beautiful clothes, and a man who give him everything he desired.

"Jackie, what have you got there.?' Karen asked curiously as she swilled her martini.

Jack slowly looked up. "Grace's diary." he said.

Usually Karen would run to the book and page through hoping to find any juicy tidbits. In this case, this book could only bring to the surface any haunting secrets that Grace was harboring.

"I see." said Karen.

"You know I am really worried about Will. He is taking this even harder than I thought he would . Now he is blaming himself for her death. Some nonsense about how she was in love with him." Jack explained.

"You didn't know?" Karen asked. "Oh honey, it was so obvious , that's why her and Leo didn't work out."

"But she knew he was gay?" Jack said surprised.

"Gay, smay, when you love someone it doesn't matter. Like I loved my Stan. Even though he couldn't touch his toes." Karen smiled at the memory of her late husband.

"That can't be the only reason that Grace killed herself. I've got to do this to restore Will's sanity and peace of mind." Jack said.

He and Karen sat down and opened the journal. A flower fell out of the folds of the pages.

I am so miserable right now. Leo can't understand why either. He is perfectly happy to sit in this mud infested hut and help the sick. I could never do something like that because I am too shallow and materialistic. When will Leo see right through this fascade? I think I saw him as my last chance at happiness. Let's face it , I am in my mid thirties and still not married.

As I lay in bed and look at him. I realize that he isn't the man I thought he was. He doesn't thrill me in bed or make me feel good.

I am in love , but not with him. When will I stop picturing Will being the one that makes love to me? He takes me in his strong arms and caresses me with those lips. Oh I have got to stop this , it is going to drive me fucking crazy.

Jack dropped the book. Grace did have a problem with Will being gay. She had never got over that terrible revelation that he made to her that one Thanksgiving. She never wanted to leave Will because deep down in her heart she harbored the fact that one day he would be straight.

"Kare, this is amazing. How could anyone live with so many delusions?' Jack wondered puzzled.

"Maybe that is not why she wanted to live." Karen said plainly.


End file.
